Tonight I just got home after setting up for our latest show, “Pickin’ Christmas”, which will take place at the Greyhound Event Center in Post Falls Idaho this coming weekend, December 3 and 4. We have the spots all marked off, the placement figured out for everything from decor to ticket booths . . . and my booth is done. I am pleased with how simple it came together and how nice I think it will display. But still tonight finds me anxious and stressed.
[EDITORS NOTE: At the advice of our lawyer, while believing no wrong doing was done, we have chosen to remove paragraph 2, in order to avoid unmerited legal action.]
Over the course of the last few years, our show has grown on our property as well. We have wonderful neighbors that go above and beyond to support us . . . two of them offering their pastures for parking and others attending and building up our show with positive accolades. But there are two, best friends, who disdain our once a year show and have stood on our driveway and told us off in very colorful language. The last exchange, left me shaking so bad I physically could not stop my leg from shaking . . . it was kind of like a bad Danny Kay movie where his leg has a life of it’s own.
Each show brings in at least a complaint or two. I am sure, given the thousands in attendance, this is normal. Someone will balk at the price of admission. I had someone even tell me she is “outraged” that we charge at all. I will save that issue for another post, but I will let you know renting venues, advertising, insurance and more, leaves us spending thousands and thousands of dollars each show. I have been called greedy, self promoting, foolish, and more. I was told off by a man in Southern Idaho for coming to their area for a show we did down there, stating that “we take jobs from the local people.” I have no idea how he reasons that, as our show is a high percentage of vendors from that area . . . meaning we BRING money to their local economy, rather than hurt it.
I remember in 2003 when we did our first show at a small grange. We charged $1.00 admission and still we had complaints. So I say all this to say I know people will always complain. If a vendor doesn’t do well, regardless of the vendors around her that did awesome, they will blame me rather than look at their product and see if it either didn’t make the mark or wasn’t priced correctly.
So before each show I get nervous . . . not just a little fluttering stomach nervous, but gut wrenching panic attacks. I hate that I do this. It has gotten worse and worse of the course of the last year. It is nearly debilitating. And this fear . . . a fear of man, really . . . has carried into all aspects of my life. I am fearful of not being liked. Fearful I am hated in the vintage community. Fearful of rejection. I find myself doubting if my friends really like me. I am a bit of a mess.
But my husband, bless his dear heart, reminds me of who I am . . . not just someone he loves and cherishes, but someone God loves and cherishes. I forget this often . . . and even find myself wondering if God loves me. If I am up to His standard.
I know all of this is a lie of Satan from the pit of hell. My head totally knows it. But sometimes my heart believes it. On this blog I try to be uplifting and encouraging. And I am not without hope. I DO know God loves me. But sometimes, on nights such as tonight, all doesn’t seem calm. Things feel out of control. I worry about my kids, I worry about our business. I panic that no one will come to our shows. I worry about what others think. I hate admitting the pettiness of that, but it is the truth.
So tonight, I challenge you to believe in what is good, even when your heart says otherwise. I choose to believe God will bless our show and, if for some reason, a vendor or customer yells at me, I choose to look to the hundreds who affirm me and not believe the lies of the enemy. Please join me in choosing to believe, even in this time of unbelief. God is Greater!!